Dear Flow,
I lived with a lot of uncertainty this past year. At times, fear froze my flow, where to live and how to make a dime. There were days when I had a hard time getting out of bed or simply binged on Netflix. And thank you. You taught me so much trust!!! When I could let go of my worrisome head and simply follow my feet, magic places and situations kept unfolding. There were always warm houses, loving embraces and opportunities to seize because I was free to move into the empty space.
Dear Staccato,
I could be pretty hard on myself this past year, criticizing my roaming gypsy ways against some imagined ideal of what Adult Life is supposed to look like. It made me tense when I didn’t manage to cross off everything on my To Do list, pissed me off that I set myself up to fail my expectations. And thank you!! I learned to channel my frustration into action, set more realistic goals I could achieve, develop new skills and get money coaching. I deleted 15 years of old messages with one click and let go of that past. Teaching the NYC tribe was a wildest dream realized. One step at a time…
Dear Chaos,
What a wild ride we have been on, you and I, these past 2 years! You’ve been a master teacher. Sometimes so much sadness and confusion spinning me out, sucking me into black holes of Past or Future. And thank you!! Your swirl was so huge that I learned to embrace surrender like never before. I’ve become so much more comfortable with the unknown, more accepting of my mind’s madness and able to witness it with love. My creativity and intuition seem to be sparking more intensely. Starting to teach the Heartbeat map has plunged me into unchartered, exciting waters.
Dear Lyrical,
You took me shopping to lose my sore heart in soft fabric, delicious colors, sing-along pop music… we didn’t buy much but you helped me space out and tune out crazy news, the Too Muchness of things. “You wasted precious time,” says my Staccato Sergeant. We did find some Hopi treasures and other magic bits like dance pants with wings! And thank you!! I learned to be kinder to myself. Mind sometimes running wild with fear, tension and chaos, the sheer exhaustion of that pulled me into Lyrical effortlessness. Not having a home base all year rendered me so much more attuned to the Present: Where am I? How do the sheets on this bed feel? What are the sounds I hear? And tuning into these details bloomed so much joy in my heart. This precious moment. So so sweet.
Dear Stillness,
Admittedly, the pull to numbing myself seduced me at times…Staccato Sergeant scolding me … need to numb you out too! A good lesson to dance with being compassionate to myself, softening around the Inner Critic and also not wallowing in numbness, letting myself feel it. Thank you! You reminded me of the delicacy of intimacy when you slow way, way down and the bliss of sitting in meditation with another/ others. The silence I dropped into this year was profound, so nourishing. I learned to relish the quietude of my own company more than ever. So grateful for the occasions when I had a place all to myself and nothing to do but enjoy it and be.
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It all boils down to being PRESENT. These 5 rhythms, this life, our relationships, our selves … all marvelous devices to invite us to the Feast of Here/Now.